Its almost been half a year since any entry has been posted. I'm @ a loss. Plus typing on this super small laptop isnt a bundle of fun. You need really super tiny fingers to type fast and ACCURATELY. Most importantly, long finger nails are a a big no no apparently.

I'm bored. I'm sleepy but unable to sleep. Im getting tired of jetting around every month. I want to be abe to just sit and relax. Take a deep breath and laze around. i never wanted to be so caught up in this rat's race lifestyle but somehow, i've been sucked into it without realising it till its too late.

Time has flown by. Its almost the 1st year mark of me joining a new company. Here I am sitting in the same hotel that I do every month for the 8th time already as i'm officially an employee of this new company for 8 months. Somehow, it feels longer. But then the job that I'm doing seems endless and never ending.

The husband is out drinking and entertaining which pisses me off. Somehow, whenever I'm not around, entertainment is just necessary. Or ineviteble. Irritates the hell out of me.

I should be feeling better that I can rant, but somehow, it doesnt change much....

The days feel like its never ending these days and superbly long. I wanna go home.....

Being sick while in KL was definitely no fun as well. Gawd. To add to the fact that I was in training and having exams most of the time definitely didnt add well. Lets not even go into the fact that I'm still pissed @ my ex-company and probably will be for the rest of all life. The main person being the she-wolf that I've just gotten to realise about. Oh well....

Adding to the fact that unlike Tune Hotel, Internet access over @ Eastin's is NOT only chargable but superbly expensive as well. Hence the reason why I need to fully utlise my 1 hour usage charge @ the amazing rate of RM25!!!

There's so much bottled inside right now but how do I exactly spill it out, I don't know. *sighs*

Muddled...and pissed.

I got an SMS from my "ex" colleague. She's from the Accounting & Administrative side. The sms came as a shock to me but apparently everyone else has been expecting it. Funny thing is that I'm receiving the sms unprepared and everyone else around me were expecting it. I've been told that my pay from the old company will not be released to me due to certain "outstanding issues" which I have failed to settle for them. The ONE who informed me, herself was shocked that I wasn't aware what is being done to me until she informed me because the decision to hold my pay was apparently decided the minute I tendered in my resignation. All other colleagues were expecting it except me due to the fact that by far, no staff has been allowed a graceful and peaceful exit from the Company. And apparently, I was the only one who foolishly believed in the best of my bosses. Especially the one boss whom I have always held in respect and been loyal too.

This came as a big blow to me. They apparently have been planning and plotting against me yet I was oblivous to it all. Till the very last day before I left for KL, I was still foolishly helping out. What an idiot! This the 2nd time I feel that the bosses have broken my heart especially the boss whom I have given my loyalty to for the full 6 years of my service to the company. Whatever was told to me and instructed to me, I have always listened and obeyed without question. I thought this person would be trustworthy. When tendering in my resignation, I was so torn. Apparently, I shouldn't have agonized myself so much about it because they have NEVER appreciated what I have done.

The issues that they are picking out with me now are issues that are not within my job scope. Things that are not under me AND should have been handled by their ownself for the very beginning. The procedures within the Company itself is so messy and yet @ the end, they are blaming on staff whom are in no condition responsible for the messiness within the Company itself. Apparently EVERYONE else was expecting THEM to make life difficult for me. All except ME.

How could I have been such a fool????

I feel hurt and betrayed beyound what I can describe. Through my 6 years with this Company, I have shed more tears that I deem worthy of them. Through turmoils within the Company, I have stood resolutely behind them and for them. This is what I get in return. Betrayal in ways that I never thought they were capable of.

How can ANYONE @ all have a clear conscience of what they're doing and play act like a drama knowing full well how they are actually stabbing and twisting the knife in a person's back??? It is just beyond me. Is the world really that corrupt??? I have so many questions sitting now in me. Hurt that spills out. Anger @ the injustice of it all. Anger @ my own naiveness. Anger @ my foolishness and my beliefs.

I want so much right now to just lash out and cause the same hurt that they have caused me...

Other ex-colleagues now tell that I should just leave things be... But where is the fairness in that??? I'm entitled to my pay am I not??? It is MY RIGHT and what I DESERVE and WORKED for. How can I just sit back and let it be....???

I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE WHO FUCKING KEEPS ME WAITING AND DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH SENSE TO FUCKING LET ME KNOW THAT I NEED TO WAIT FOR A FUCKING 2 HOURS LIKE A FUCKING MORON!!!

IS IT THAT DIFFICULT TO JUST LET PEOPLE KNOW?!?!!?

AND WHEN YOU FUCKING KNOW I'M PISSED ALREADY, YOU STILL TAKE YOUR FUCKING TIME TO GET READY AND GET YOUR SORRY ASS HERE, DONT FUCCKING EXPECT ME TO WAIT AROUND!